Natt (nattish) wrote,

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What Would Draco Do?

Well, I returned from my Northwest trip early, got home a few days ago. What should have been a 93-mile, 12-day hike around a majestic, snow-capped mountain turned into only a 20-or-so mile, 2-day hike, some epic flu-like symptoms, some immense fatigue and faintness, and a short walk to the nearest parking lot, where my ex-boyfriend and hiking companion trekked alone back to our vehicle to pick me up later. I sat on a rock, scarfed trail mix despite sweeping nausea, and waited for his return. A trip to the drug store later, and -- has anyone recognized these symptoms yet? -- I find out I’m in my own mpreg story. That’s right, just minus the “m”.

This is bittersweet. Note the “ex” before the “boyfriend.” Love of my life, but we’ve got problems and an infant isn’t a solution no matter how glamorous Harry and Draco make it seem. And then there’s the moral conundrum: my personal a-word deadline is at the 12-week mark, and I’m at 8. Whoooo for rapid, significant decision-making!

The thing is, I’m not inherently opposed to this procedure, but having endured a miscarriage in the past with the same Ex (let’s call him Space Marine), I know the sorrow that comes with mourning that lost potential child; added bonus is the prospect of keeping a lifelong secret from my deeply conservative Southern Baptist leaning family. This is played against the fact that I’m in an okay spot financially, and Space Marine is in an even more okay spot, and we adore each other, and have dreamed this dream for four years; that doesn’t make it wise, per se, but it makes it an even more emotionally wrenching decision, the decision to terminate or not to terminate.

My head and my heart are at odds. They are both important organs.

But the organ weighing heaviest on me now is my colon. Do you know what pregnancy does to your bowel movements? OR LACK THEREOF? >:O
Tags: real life, space marine
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