fullWell, I returned from my Northwest trip early, got home a few days ago. What should have been a 93-mile, 12-day hike around a majestic, snow-capped mountain turned into only a 20-or-so mile, 2-day hike, some epic flu-like symptoms, some immense fatigue and faintness, and a short walk to the nearest parking lot, where my ex-boyfriend and hiking companion trekked alone back to our vehicle to pick me up later. I sat on a rock, scarfed trail mix despite sweeping nausea, and waited for his return. A trip to the drug store later, and -- has anyone recognized these symptoms yet? -- I find out I’m in my own mpreg story. That’s right, just minus the “m”.
This is bittersweet. Note the “ex” before the “boyfriend.” Love of my life, but we’ve got problems and an infant isn’t a solution no matter how glamorous Harry and Draco make it seem. And then there’s the moral conundrum: my personal a-word deadline is at the 12-week mark, and I’m at 8. Whoooo for rapid, significant decision-making!
The thing is, I’m not inherently opposed to this procedure, but having endured a miscarriage in the past with the same Ex (let’s call him Space Marine), I know the sorrow that comes with mourning that lost potential child; added bonus is the prospect of keeping a lifelong secret from my deeply conservative Southern Baptist leaning family. This is played against the fact that I’m in an okay spot financially, and Space Marine is in an even more okay spot, and we adore each other, and have dreamed this dream for four years; that doesn’t make it wise, per se, but it makes it an even more emotionally wrenching decision, the decision to terminate or not to terminate.
My head and my heart are at odds. They are both important organs.
But the organ weighing heaviest on me now is my colon. Do you know what pregnancy does to your bowel movements? OR LACK THEREOF? >:O
Thanks so much. It means a lot that you took the time to reply. I'm horrid at that myself. :)
I don't really have a lot of advice. You have laid out the pros and cons of your situation very well, and I don't really think I can really be in a position to judge you regardless.
So. Because it must be said. You have my full support however you may (or may not) need it regardless of what you decide.
I do have more I can say on the subject in both directions, but I dont want to inflict it on you. But if you want to talk, I can email you.
I'm a lot older than you are, so my advice has some experience behind it. My family has been through quite a few "unwanted" pregnancies, and those that went through with them ended up being welcome and joyous. Even the ones where you're all going - my god, she's 16! However, the terminations were probably done quite a bit more quietly and privately, so they may have been for the best, it's just less visible and harder to say.
Just want to reassure you, that it will all be OK, whatever you decide.
Edited at 2013-09-16 03:38 pm (UTC)
That is all very helpful information and welcome advice. I keep re-reading it because I think magically one section will be highlighted and underlined before my eyes at some point, but the real hard advice part is clear: it'll be okay no matter what. And it probably will. It's still so hard to choose. But I'm very lucky to live in a time and place where I have that choice.
Thank you very much. :)
*hugs* All my support, either way. I assume the ex is down with you making the decision?
Yes, he is. Almost annoyingly so. He withholds many opinions on the matter, for fear he will influence me and I will resent him later, whatever choice I make. He wants me to make the decision as I think it would be best for my life, and he will support me either way. He's a really decent fellow. But I would not like him to resent me either, so I hope he will speak up.
I found myself in your situation when I was 28 years old. I was living with my significant other for six years but the relationship was starting to get a little rocky. When I was taken off birth control due to high blood pressure, I found myself preg after one period. To make a long story short, we ended splitting up and I had to make the decision you are faced with. I decided not to terminate the pregnancy. Life as a single mother was extremely difficult and challenging, but I don't regret the decision I made.
Hopefully, you and your SO can sit down and talks things out and make the decision that you can both be comfortable with. He should speak up because if you decide to keep the baby, he should step up and help provide support for his child.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!!!
Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. :)